Headache

On Friday my doctor told me that if I don't have the baby before my due date that we're inducing labor on Thursday. Thursday is my due date, so that's cool...? No.
She's also trying to push me to have an epidural because pain causes BP to rise and she said I will be in too much pain to handle it. No. None of these things are okay. This is the worst thing that we imagined happening for the birth of our daughter. I wanted a un-medicated, naturally occurring birth. My doctor is being overly cautious because my BP is borderline high. It's not in a danger zone. It's just on the cusp between normal/high. I'm happy she is thinking in a preventative way, but I don't want it to be at the expense of my wishes. People just won't HEAR what I am saying. My wishes don't seem to matter.

To make matters much shittier, my mom is mad at me because I'm tired of people getting on my ass about having Michelle. Babies come when they come. But apparently I'm being lazy by not doing anything to speed up the process. There is NOTHING I can do to make my cervix dilate. Nothing. Sex will help ripen my cervix, but it won't open it. Walking will give me contractions, but if I sit down and they go away, then it's NOT labor, it's Braxton Hicks. My mom got pissed because I said there is nothing I can do, and she basically told me it will be my own fault if I'm stuck with induction and strapped to a bed. Nice. Now she is ignoring me because I said that was horrible and told her how I feel. My mom doesn't like to hear how I feel. She likes to say how SHE feels, then blocks everything out because she said her piece and that's all that matters to her. I don't think it's fair to do this to me days before my kid is due. This time is about me and Michael and our kid. I don't think I'll ever forget this. Ever. What should I do if I go into labor now? Call her up and have her be "blah" about it? Have people come in the room and watch me birth like a fucking zoo animal? What help is she going to be? She won't even text me back, so what's the point?

Sorry I'm not 16 and having a kid, so people can boss me around. I'm 25, very well educated, and informed about this step in my life. I don't need help. I don't need guidance. When I need those things, I am mature enough to ask for them. However, I'm apparently useless.

All I did yesterday was cry. And today is already starting off horribly. I don't want to bring my kid into the world while I'm feeling sad and upset. It's fucked up that I can't enjoy this.