Monday, October 31, 2011

Halloweeeenie

This Halloween was very depressing; not because we weren't festive, or anything sad, but because we had 25 whole trick-or-treaters! We decorated our house to the max (the ONLY house in our court with the lights on) and the kids that did come were very impressed, but the doorbell probably rang 7 times. The majority of kids were probably 13 years old but beggers can't be choosers ;-)
Next year is going to be awesome because 1. we will take Bean to our friends/family's houses and check out their kids' costumes, and 2. we can mooch off of our lame neighbors for free candy. I didn't even get to see my nieces this year! Bummer.
I think I'll dress Bean up as Harry Potter or an Ewok next year..we'll see.

Things with Bean are same ole, same ole; still feeling awesome but really tired. I actually have been losing weight, which is COOL, but I'm getting bigger. I don't know how mother nature is working that one out, but I'm not complaining. Shoot, I like seeing lower numbers on my scale. I just hope Bean is getting everything s/he needs to progress wonderfully.

We have our appointment for Bean's 3D sex check ultrasound! It's December 11! It's crazy to think that we will know the sex of our baby (and Bean will have a NAME) in about 41 days! Cooool beans, yo. <3

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

9 weeks, and weeeeird rants.

I went to a prenatal class the other day at Kaiser, and learned more about Bean. It was informative, but it was a really long day. I had my first random bout of crying when the nurse, who was supposed to give me a flu shot (which I don't even want), just spaced out and didn't notice my check-in for 45 minutes. Watching women come and go was frustrating, but not that upsetting. For some reason though, when I decided I had waiting enough and I grabbed my paper from the check in box, I started to cry! Haha. I was so upset and I don't even know why. Weird pregnant chick, I tell ya.

I had a dream last night that a woman was giving birth in an alley, and she planned on dumping it in the dumpster. I had come across her and helped her out, and when she was done birthing the beautiful baby girl she said she was going to ditch it. I asked if I could keep the baby, and she said yes. I was still pregnant in my dream, so I had to prepare for two babies. It was very weird.

I can't believe today is the nine week marker. Bean is a FETUS! Finally not an embryo :) Bean measured small, so Kaiser actually put the week-changing day as Saturday. However, my last period and ovulation all coincide with Wednesday, so I am going to just keep my calenders on Wednesday, unless my due date changes.

I am SO stressed with school. I have a hard midterm Monday, and a ten-page paper due Tuesday, the same day I have to do a presentation in my education class. GREAT. Halloween weekend is going to be hermit-time. I wish my stuff was spread out, and I am freaking out that I might let something slide. Ugh. School this quarter sucks, but I'm taking more classes next quarter. Boo.

Random side note:
One thing I pride myself in is being true; I'm true to others, and most importantly, to myself. I am the same girl when I am mad, sad, happy, and horny. I don't turn into someone different depending on my company. I am who I am. I am true. Thankfully my husband is true too. He is always dependable, smart, generous, and loving.
I really hope the baby will be like this too. I think it's more of a nurture thing, than a nature thing, which makes me sad when I think of how many people there are who have good parents, but are fake as hell. I can look in the mirror each day, and never fear looking into my own eyes. What do I have to hide? I have pride in my daily life, in my heartfelt nature, and my hard work. I just wish I could read people better. Do some people act like they have hearts of gold, when they really will drop their smiles the moment you turn away and say something mean behind your back? It scares me to bring a baby into this world with so much negativity; even hidden negativity. When my friends got pregnant and married, I was so happy for them; I went to parties, commented on a million pictures, and spread the love. Only my two closest friends even commented on my wedding pictures. The most comments came from friends of friends, or family, or old friends that facebook reconnected me with. It's weird that I consider people as my close friends, when I don't know if they even truly like me. Maybe it's just hormones speaking, but sometimes I'm scared some of my friends like me out of convenience. Hope not!

Ok, that was a weird tangent. I need more sleep. That being said, I'm off to school!

Thursday, October 20, 2011

BOOBS!

Ok, so when I said before that my boobs were sore, I didn't know what the hell I was talking about. They are sore now! They are becoming bigger, which Michael likes because they look full even when I'm buck naked, but they are tender, and the nipples are like two little landmines..don't touch them!

Michael, being his loving self, pinched one when I got into bed last night, and I screamed at the top of my lungs! I don't think he realized how sore they really are, because he was shocked at my reaction. Obviously I teared up, I mean hello, he just clamped down on my most tender body part (imagine me, biting down on his testicles...with metal teeth...and a lock jaw)! Of course he was sorry, so he went to rub it..big mistake. Rub it? Don't touch it! Haha. Poor guy, I'm sure he wanted some of my sexy lovin', but after that he just rubbed my back, as I whimpered, until i fell asleep. Ha.

Sleeping on my stomach pre-pregnancy was my go-to position, but now the twins (my tits, not Bean..thankfully Bean is a solo baby) make it impossible. I wish I could cut two boob-sized holes into the mattress. I can't sleep on my back, so I'm stuck on my side, which is not very comfy for me. Ah well, it could be worse right? My boobs could have been DD before I got preggo, so at least I don't have two large utters dangling off my chest. I really shouldn't complain.

Today I am wearing a shirt that I usually wear when I'm feeling bummy. It's flowy and forgiving, and used to have a modest chest rise. Now? I look like a freaking hooker! My boobs are popping out like Janet Jackson at the superbowl, and I keep getting irritated looks from chicks and creepy looks from guys. Great.

Side note: The word Boob looks like boobs! B is the bird's eye view, oo are the front view, and b is the side view. Lol.
pre-preg boobs: (.)(.)
current boobs:  ( o )( o )
post-baby boobs: (    O   )(   O   )

Monday, October 17, 2011

Ultrasound

On Friday Michael and I had our first ultrasound (pic below)! It was so crazy, seeing our little Bean just fluttering about in his/her warm home. Bean's heart was beating so fast, and even though I had a wand up my cooter, it was the best morning I've ever had. My doctor is awesome. She told me that she likes to be hands on with her patients, so I am going to see her a lot during my pregnancy. I was actually expecting to see a midwife more. Hmm.

Bean measures kinda small, so even though my due date stays at May 31st, I have a feeling I'll deliver in early June. She said that according to my period and whatnot I am May 31, but if the baby measured smaller or bigger by ten days or less then we keep the same due date.

We're decided to opt out of the invasive testing like amnio and whatnot because we know we'll keep this baby regardless. That being said, we are going to do the blood work/ultrasound tests because we just wanna see the baby as much as we can. Haha. Oh! That reminds me! Michael's mom knows someone who does the 3D ultrasounds and we can see her for free and she will tell us the sex of the baby at 14-16 weeks!! That's a month earlier than most ppl can determine the sex. It's in only 2 months! I am excited for this last month to hurry up, because I'll be 12 weeks this time in November, and I want to be able to openly talk about my Bean without being cryptic or vague. I wanna tell my grandparents! I also can't wait for 12 weeks because then I will have more energy!


Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Thoughts

I think my baby is a vampire. It is sucking me dry, and I am literally turning into a zombie. I have zombie skin (not as pink and bright as it used to be), zombie brain (forgetting, tons of "duuuuh" moments, and the ability to only focus on one thing), and zombie mouth (drooling!!!). Today I left the house for school, and thankfully only got an exit away on I-80 before I realized I was leaving for the wrong class. I had a whole extra hour to kill at home; time to actually eat breakfast, brush my scraggly hair, and organize! Grrr, it may sound nice to gain an hour, but I was grouchy that I had already left the house and had to go back.

This awesome, yet gloomy, weather might not be helping either. Normally when the sky turns grey and it becomes nice and chilly, I get into a great mood, cook awesome cozy meals, and cuddle with Michael and the cats...but now? I am exhausted beyond belief! I almost fell asleep in class today! This might not seem like a big deal to some, but I go to the University of California, and my professors are hired for their research and significant contribution to their chosen fields. Falling asleep during my professor's lecture would be beyond disrespectful in a normal class, but here it is like a slap in the face to my major, my school, and to my checkbook. Grr. Sorry to rant..but I am sleepy!

Ok, complaining aside, I keep thinking about my lovely little baby. I keep wondering what s/he will look like; the hair color, eyes, nose, etc. Between you and me (well, you being the whole world since this blog is public), I think the baby is a girl. I think she will have brown hair, brown eyes, and come out looking like a hairy little monkey baby. Lol. Michael is furry, and I have thick hair, so this baby doesn't stand a chance. Lol. I just have this inkling in my toes that Bean is a little girl. Michael thinks so too, but more because everyone else in my family is/has girls more than because he has a "feeling". If we were going to get down and dirty with statistics, Bean would more likely be a boy because that many girls is just cray cray.

I started this blog in place of having a mommy-diary, but I wonder if I'm doing this right. Nothing has really happened yet, so I feel like I can only write about my speculations, grievances, and daily life. My first appointment is next Friday, so maybe this blog will be juicier after then. In the mean time, here's a picture of Michael and me from our wedding..our poor little Bean doesn't have a chance. Lol <3


Monday, October 3, 2011

Weight Gain

Being a healthy weight is something that's always on my mind. I'm just one of those people that eats right, but still carries a heavy load. The frustrating thing about this while pregnant, is that my problems will negatively  influence my baby's development. My baby is at risk for being overweight too, if my weight gain gets to be too much. Then, there's the risk of gestational diabetes on my part, which could make my baby way underweight! I know I'm overweight, and I think I technically drift over to the obese category every once in a while. Not to sound like a dick, but I while I'm overweight, I never think of myself as obese. It's a scary word, but apparently one I need to hear.

Based on my BMI, I shouldn't gain too much weight with this pregnancy. Really, it would healthiest if I gained 15 pounds. Only gaining this much means I need to lose some fat while I gain some fetus, which might be hard. I mean, if losing weight is so easy, don't ya think I would have lost some a long time ago? Well, either way I've started focusing on my weight and what I eat (pretty much like I always have) and we'll see what happens.

I'm scared to be that woman who gains a bunch of weight w/ my pregnancy, and then never loses any. I want to be healthy to promote a healthy lifestyle for my little bean. If I can barely lead a healthy lifestyle now, how will I do it when I have extra baby weight and a little one in tow? It's time to make a change. Hopefully a public declaration will keep me accountable.

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Breastfeeding!

Today I got a newletter in my inbox, from a natural mother website, about breastfeeding. This newsletter said that the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends breastfeeding for at least one year, and the World Health Organization says at least two. Then, it goes on to say this "in the United States, most mothers do not breastfeed their babies past 6 months, and only 5% are still breastfeeding at 18 months."

Today I want to talk about breastfeeding. My mom said that I was breastfed the longest out of my sister and me...3 (to 6?) months. My younger sister had horrible colic, and the only thing she could hold down was soy milk. God willing, I plan on breastfeeding my children until they are at least one. This is very important to me, as there are so many benefits to breastfeeding. The merits are way too long to list, here are some links to the awesomeness of the teat! Benefits and merits!

Michael and I have talked about breastfeeding until one, and it's something we both agree on, and think is beneficial. I am so lucky to have a partner that will stand up for me and the choices we make. I definitely need a strong support system, as many people find breastfeeding distasteful, embarrassing, gross, or something to be ashamed of. People often link breastfeeding to sex; which is creepy and disturbing. Yes, my breasts are sexy, but they have an original, natural purpose, and it is to sustain life! I think that trumps sex any day. Anyways, having Michael stand by my side will help when I hear things like "you still breastfeed!?" when my kid is 9 months, or "ew, that's gross" when breasts are MADE for this job. 

I guess getting that article sparked something in my mind. I have always known I would breastfeed, but hearing how little "popularity" it has in the US scares me. I don't want to feel like I  have to hide when I feed my child (I plan on wearing nursing covers, not just whipping out my nips in public) somewhere people are around. Shoot.

Many people say things about what it means to be a woman, like wearing sexy clothes, or gossip, or being sensitive..but honestly, the most womanly thing I can think of is having a baby (which only a woman can do) and breastfeeding it (again, only a woman can do). Our society has become to obsessed with sex and the ideas of to whom a vagina or breast belongs, that our most natural and instinctive acts become a gross misuse of part/product. I, for one, am proud to be a woman, and I will use my parts for their intended purpose without shame or embarrassment. 

This all being said, some mothers can't breastfeed, and some babies wont latch on or can't handle their mother's milk. Those woman are no less womanly or awesome..sometimes life just doesn't work out in the ways we want/expect. Those mothers still do awesome things to bond with their children and give them the BEST nutritional options available. They should never feel guilty either, nature is nature, and sometimes a baby cannot naturally handle/take the teat.

Here ends my random, liberal rant for the day. Sorry if I offended; but honestly, if I did offend, you need to reread this blog and get the point. It's natural!
Wooooo boobies!