Halloweeeenie

This Halloween was very depressing; not because we weren't festive, or anything sad, but because we had 25 whole trick-or-treaters! We decorated our house to the max (the ONLY house in our court with the lights on) and the kids that did come were very impressed, but the doorbell probably rang 7 times. The majority of kids were probably 13 years old but beggers can't be choosers ;-)
Next year is going to be awesome because 1. we will take Bean to our friends/family's houses and check out their kids' costumes, and 2. we can mooch off of our lame neighbors for free candy. I didn't even get to see my nieces this year! Bummer.
I think I'll dress Bean up as Harry Potter or an Ewok next year..we'll see.

Things with Bean are same ole, same ole; still feeling awesome but really tired. I actually have been losing weight, which is COOL, but I'm getting bigger. I don't know how mother nature is working that one out, but I'm not complaining. Shoot, I like seeing lower numbers on my scale. I just hope Bean is getting everything s/he needs to progress wonderfully.

We have our appointment for Bean's 3D sex check ultrasound! It's December 11! It's crazy to think that we will know the sex of our baby (and Bean will have a NAME) in about 41 days! Cooool beans, yo. <3

9 weeks, and weeeeird rants.

I went to a prenatal class the other day at Kaiser, and learned more about Bean. It was informative, but it was a really long day. I had my first random bout of crying when the nurse, who was supposed to give me a flu shot (which I don't even want), just spaced out and didn't notice my check-in for 45 minutes. Watching women come and go was frustrating, but not that upsetting. For some reason though, when I decided I had waiting enough and I grabbed my paper from the check in box, I started to cry! Haha. I was so upset and I don't even know why. Weird pregnant chick, I tell ya.

I had a dream last night that a woman was giving birth in an alley, and she planned on dumping it in the dumpster. I had come across her and helped her out, and when she was done birthing the beautiful baby girl she said she was going to ditch it. I asked if I could keep the baby, and she said yes. I was still pregnant in my dream, so I had to prepare for two babies. It was very weird.

I can't believe today is the nine week marker. Bean is a FETUS! Finally not an embryo :) Bean measured small, so Kaiser actually put the week-changing day as Saturday. However, my last period and ovulation all coincide with Wednesday, so I am going to just keep my calenders on Wednesday, unless my due date changes.

I am SO stressed with school. I have a hard midterm Monday, and a ten-page paper due Tuesday, the same day I have to do a presentation in my education class. GREAT. Halloween weekend is going to be hermit-time. I wish my stuff was spread out, and I am freaking out that I might let something slide. Ugh. School this quarter sucks, but I'm taking more classes next quarter. Boo.

Random side note:
One thing I pride myself in is being true; I'm true to others, and most importantly, to myself. I am the same girl when I am mad, sad, happy, and horny. I don't turn into someone different depending on my company. I am who I am. I am true. Thankfully my husband is true too. He is always dependable, smart, generous, and loving.
I really hope the baby will be like this too. I think it's more of a nurture thing, than a nature thing, which makes me sad when I think of how many people there are who have good parents, but are fake as hell. I can look in the mirror each day, and never fear looking into my own eyes. What do I have to hide? I have pride in my daily life, in my heartfelt nature, and my hard work. I just wish I could read people better. Do some people act like they have hearts of gold, when they really will drop their smiles the moment you turn away and say something mean behind your back? It scares me to bring a baby into this world with so much negativity; even hidden negativity. When my friends got pregnant and married, I was so happy for them; I went to parties, commented on a million pictures, and spread the love. Only my two closest friends even commented on my wedding pictures. The most comments came from friends of friends, or family, or old friends that facebook reconnected me with. It's weird that I consider people as my close friends, when I don't know if they even truly like me. Maybe it's just hormones speaking, but sometimes I'm scared some of my friends like me out of convenience. Hope not!

Ok, that was a weird tangent. I need more sleep. That being said, I'm off to school!

BOOBS!

Ok, so when I said before that my boobs were sore, I didn't know what the hell I was talking about. They are sore now! They are becoming bigger, which Michael likes because they look full even when I'm buck naked, but they are tender, and the nipples are like two little landmines..don't touch them!

Michael, being his loving self, pinched one when I got into bed last night, and I screamed at the top of my lungs! I don't think he realized how sore they really are, because he was shocked at my reaction. Obviously I teared up, I mean hello, he just clamped down on my most tender body part (imagine me, biting down on his testicles...with metal teeth...and a lock jaw)! Of course he was sorry, so he went to rub it..big mistake. Rub it? Don't touch it! Haha. Poor guy, I'm sure he wanted some of my sexy lovin', but after that he just rubbed my back, as I whimpered, until i fell asleep. Ha.

Sleeping on my stomach pre-pregnancy was my go-to position, but now the twins (my tits, not Bean..thankfully Bean is a solo baby) make it impossible. I wish I could cut two boob-sized holes into the mattress. I can't sleep on my back, so I'm stuck on my side, which is not very comfy for me. Ah well, it could be worse right? My boobs could have been DD before I got preggo, so at least I don't have two large utters dangling off my chest. I really shouldn't complain.

Today I am wearing a shirt that I usually wear when I'm feeling bummy. It's flowy and forgiving, and used to have a modest chest rise. Now? I look like a freaking hooker! My boobs are popping out like Janet Jackson at the superbowl, and I keep getting irritated looks from chicks and creepy looks from guys. Great.

Side note: The word Boob looks like boobs! B is the bird's eye view, oo are the front view, and b is the side view. Lol.
pre-preg boobs: (.)(.)
current boobs:  ( o )( o )
post-baby boobs: (    O   )(   O   )

Ultrasound

On Friday Michael and I had our first ultrasound (pic below)! It was so crazy, seeing our little Bean just fluttering about in his/her warm home. Bean's heart was beating so fast, and even though I had a wand up my cooter, it was the best morning I've ever had. My doctor is awesome. She told me that she likes to be hands on with her patients, so I am going to see her a lot during my pregnancy. I was actually expecting to see a midwife more. Hmm.

Bean measures kinda small, so even though my due date stays at May 31st, I have a feeling I'll deliver in early June. She said that according to my period and whatnot I am May 31, but if the baby measured smaller or bigger by ten days or less then we keep the same due date.

We're decided to opt out of the invasive testing like amnio and whatnot because we know we'll keep this baby regardless. That being said, we are going to do the blood work/ultrasound tests because we just wanna see the baby as much as we can. Haha. Oh! That reminds me! Michael's mom knows someone who does the 3D ultrasounds and we can see her for free and she will tell us the sex of the baby at 14-16 weeks!! That's a month earlier than most ppl can determine the sex. It's in only 2 months! I am excited for this last month to hurry up, because I'll be 12 weeks this time in November, and I want to be able to openly talk about my Bean without being cryptic or vague. I wanna tell my grandparents! I also can't wait for 12 weeks because then I will have more energy!

Thoughts

I think my baby is a vampire. It is sucking me dry, and I am literally turning into a zombie. I have zombie skin (not as pink and bright as it used to be), zombie brain (forgetting, tons of "duuuuh" moments, and the ability to only focus on one thing), and zombie mouth (drooling!!!). Today I left the house for school, and thankfully only got an exit away on I-80 before I realized I was leaving for the wrong class. I had a whole extra hour to kill at home; time to actually eat breakfast, brush my scraggly hair, and organize! Grrr, it may sound nice to gain an hour, but I was grouchy that I had already left the house and had to go back.

This awesome, yet gloomy, weather might not be helping either. Normally when the sky turns grey and it becomes nice and chilly, I get into a great mood, cook awesome cozy meals, and cuddle with Michael and the cats...but now? I am exhausted beyond belief! I almost fell asleep in class today! This might not seem like a big deal to some, but I go to the University of California, and my professors are hired for their research and significant contribution to their chosen fields. Falling asleep during my professor's lecture would be beyond disrespectful in a normal class, but here it is like a slap in the face to my major, my school, and to my checkbook. Grr. Sorry to rant..but I am sleepy!

Ok, complaining aside, I keep thinking about my lovely little baby. I keep wondering what s/he will look like; the hair color, eyes, nose, etc. Between you and me (well, you being the whole world since this blog is public), I think the baby is a girl. I think she will have brown hair, brown eyes, and come out looking like a hairy little monkey baby. Lol. Michael is furry, and I have thick hair, so this baby doesn't stand a chance. Lol. I just have this inkling in my toes that Bean is a little girl. Michael thinks so too, but more because everyone else in my family is/has girls more than because he has a "feeling". If we were going to get down and dirty with statistics, Bean would more likely be a boy because that many girls is just cray cray.

I started this blog in place of having a mommy-diary, but I wonder if I'm doing this right. Nothing has really happened yet, so I feel like I can only write about my speculations, grievances, and daily life. My first appointment is next Friday, so maybe this blog will be juicier after then. In the mean time, here's a picture of Michael and me from our wedding..our poor little Bean doesn't have a chance. Lol <3

Weight Gain

Being a healthy weight is something that's always on my mind. I'm just one of those people that eats right, but still carries a heavy load. The frustrating thing about this while pregnant, is that my problems will negatively  influence my baby's development. My baby is at risk for being overweight too, if my weight gain gets to be too much. Then, there's the risk of gestational diabetes on my part, which could make my baby way underweight! I know I'm overweight, and I think I technically drift over to the obese category every once in a while. Not to sound like a dick, but I while I'm overweight, I never think of myself as obese. It's a scary word, but apparently one I need to hear.

Based on my BMI, I shouldn't gain too much weight with this pregnancy. Really, it would healthiest if I gained 15 pounds. Only gaining this much means I need to lose some fat while I gain some fetus, which might be hard. I mean, if losing weight is so easy, don't ya think I would have lost some a long time ago? Well, either way I've started focusing on my weight and what I eat (pretty much like I always have) and we'll see what happens.

I'm scared to be that woman who gains a bunch of weight w/ my pregnancy, and then never loses any. I want to be healthy to promote a healthy lifestyle for my little bean. If I can barely lead a healthy lifestyle now, how will I do it when I have extra baby weight and a little one in tow? It's time to make a change. Hopefully a public declaration will keep me accountable.

Breastfeeding!

Today I got a newletter in my inbox, from a natural mother website, about breastfeeding. This newsletter said that the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends breastfeeding for at least one year, and the World Health Organization says at least two. Then, it goes on to say this "in the United States, most mothers do not breastfeed their babies past 6 months, and only 5% are still breastfeeding at 18 months."

Today I want to talk about breastfeeding. My mom said that I was breastfed the longest out of my sister and me...3 (to 6?) months. My younger sister had horrible colic, and the only thing she could hold down was soy milk. God willing, I plan on breastfeeding my children until they are at least one. This is very important to me, as there are so many benefits to breastfeeding. The merits are way too long to list, here are some links to the awesomeness of the teat! Benefits and merits!

Michael and I have talked about breastfeeding until one, and it's something we both agree on, and think is beneficial. I am so lucky to have a partner that will stand up for me and the choices we make. I definitely need a strong support system, as many people find breastfeeding distasteful, embarrassing, gross, or something to be ashamed of. People often link breastfeeding to sex; which is creepy and disturbing. Yes, my breasts are sexy, but they have an original, natural purpose, and it is to sustain life! I think that trumps sex any day. Anyways, having Michael stand by my side will help when I hear things like "you still breastfeed!?" when my kid is 9 months, or "ew, that's gross" when breasts are MADE for this job. 

I guess getting that article sparked something in my mind. I have always known I would breastfeed, but hearing how little "popularity" it has in the US scares me. I don't want to feel like I  have to hide when I feed my child (I plan on wearing nursing covers, not just whipping out my nips in public) somewhere people are around. Shoot.

Many people say things about what it means to be a woman, like wearing sexy clothes, or gossip, or being sensitive..but honestly, the most womanly thing I can think of is having a baby (which only a woman can do) and breastfeeding it (again, only a woman can do). Our society has become to obsessed with sex and the ideas of to whom a vagina or breast belongs, that our most natural and instinctive acts become a gross misuse of part/product. I, for one, am proud to be a woman, and I will use my parts for their intended purpose without shame or embarrassment. 

This all being said, some mothers can't breastfeed, and some babies wont latch on or can't handle their mother's milk. Those woman are no less womanly or awesome..sometimes life just doesn't work out in the ways we want/expect. Those mothers still do awesome things to bond with their children and give them the BEST nutritional options available. They should never feel guilty either, nature is nature, and sometimes a baby cannot naturally handle/take the teat.

Here ends my random, liberal rant for the day. Sorry if I offended; but honestly, if I did offend, you need to reread this blog and get the point. It's natural!

Wooooo boobies!

Decisions decisions

Decisions decisions.
So I talked to my sociology adviser at school today and found out I am 100% on track for graduation! I will have to take 4 classes next quarter, and 2 for my final quarter. The only problem: my due date clashes with the end of school. I have about 1-2 weeks of time that I can't know for sure about. :-/ I can either try and complete school and work with my professors, or I can take my final quarter off and push it to the following fall. It would mean I would graduate December instead of June. I'm torn. Leave a 3 mo. old baby w/ daycare and go to school, or hold out? There is a pregnancy support group @ Davis every Wednesday, so I might pop in and check it out.

On a less confusing (and happier) note, my cloth diapers came in the mail! They will be so cute on my little bean's booty! I bought a cute Cal Berkeley onesie yesterday at Target, and I have my UC Davis one..this kid is going to look good from it's cute diapers to it's awesome shirts! I can't wait to use my bean as a baby-billboard. Ha. Maybe I could sell ad space. JOKING!

Early pregnancy is not very glamorous. This whole nipple soreness thing, followed by the exhaustion and poop-issues are very annoying. That being said, I am so grateful and excited to be pregnant. I can't wait to feel my body change and observe the growth of my baby. I don't want anything to bring me down emotionally, because I feel like the emotional and physical parts of a body are connected. I want to embrace and explore everything pregnancy and motherhood have to offer. <3

Onesies and Veggie Diet

Today I bought the baby a UC Davis onesie! It's a size 6 mo., but it was the smallest available. So, I still have to find a tiny one for my tiny tadpole. I can't wait for my first appointment, so I can start buying stuff without feeling guilty. I don't wanna jinx anything. I've been lurking on cafepress, and I found the cutest shirts!! This one is my favorite, followed by this one! I also found a MUST HAVE in this shirt/bib (it can be either).

I've been thinking about my vegetarian diet, and making sure I get all the right nutrition for Awesome. I looked online and read something about omega 3 pills being good for baby's developing brains, and that salmon is the best thing to eat for your developing baby. I am a vegetarian! Fish are living creatures, and eating them makes me feel squishy and wrong. That being said, I want the very best for my little Awesome's developing self. I am thinking that fish oil pills, just while pregnant, should be ok for my conscience. Eating salmon, on the other hand, does not sound appetizing to me...so I dunno what to do. Fish oil might be enough. Anyone have any advice? I am not worried about protein and iron though. I have a vegetarian pregnancy book, and I eat a well balanced diet. Well, I do when we have groceries..I better get on that.

Sleepy, weird rant

Right now I am writing from the baby's future nursery. It's so tiny; I hope everything we want to do in here will fit! The baby's room is currently our office/storage so I am in here printing pages for school. Today was my first day as a senior, and even though I was barely there, it was exhausting. I came home after running errands and crashed on the couch for two hours! I'm not the biggest nap-taker, so it felt weird and draining. My mom said it's normal to be sleepy in the beginning, but I am really pooped!

It was hard to walk around school today and not feel a huge disconnect between my peers and myself. I already feel like the black sheep because I'm 3-4 years older than everyone, but this little secret I'm carrying in my womb makes me feel lightyears away from them. I feel like I have a neon sign above my head that says "Baby on Board!" and all of these kids can read it, and see my womb jiggling about. I know they can't, but it makes me anxious to get out of that school. Maybe when I get bigger and walk around they will think I am a grad student or something. Lol. I wonder if anyone else on campus is pregnant..we should start a club. Ha.

It feels weird calling the baby "it". In my mind I flip back and forth with calling it boy/girl, I never call it "it" in my head, but when I talk about Baby, I can't just say he/she back and forth. I look bipolar and creepy. Maybe I'll just call our little bun in the oven "Awesome", and never use pronouns. Examples: "I felt Awesome kick! Maybe Awesome will be a soccer player. Awesome's new crib came in the mail!" and so on..

Man, I am sleepy! This blog just took a weird turn, and basically said nothing. Ha. Well, it's not my fault; it's Awesome's fault! Awesome is stealing my energy, but because we're family we gotta share. ;-)

Excitement, Appointments, and Diapers

So, I told my two closest friends about the baby! Cassie screamed when I told her!!! It feels really good to know that they are excited for us. I was worried that some people might say things like "already?" or whatnot..but we haven't heard that from our closest family and my two best friends. I am so happy. Michael's mom brought over a little newborn outfit for us last night! It was so sweet, and made me sure that we'll get any support or guidance we need from our families.

Also, after talking to Cassie, I called Kaiser and made my first prenatal appointment! It's in 19 days, and I don't know how I'll be able to wait! Just seeing that little heart beating will make this so much more real. Well, more real than just the exhaustion, peeing, and sore nipples I've been experiencing. Hah :)

This morning I splurged and started to add things to our wishlist, which will become our public registry when we announce the baby and my baby shower. We are going to cloth-diaper our little one, so I continued researching brands (we know we want to do GroVia, bumGenius, Charlie Banana and fitteds w/ covers) because I would like to have a mix of good diapers. Cassie said it's good to try out many things because sometimes different days/situations call for different diapers. We are also going to buy a pack or two of eco-friendly disposables for newborn poops and for Grandparent-fear of cloth. Haha. I have a little secret stash of baby stuff I've been collecting since we decided to start trying, and today I am adding two diapers I got for VERY cheap on ebay; and these are a brand I am excited to try: bumGenuis.

 Michael is so blah either way regarding diapers, so I'm sticking to exploring this new frontier on my own, and he can just use whichever I buy. The only thing he's said our baby needs (and I am 70% sure he's joking) is this; a Recaro car seat! Recaro is a racing seat, a really popular, nice brand, and they apparently make seats for babies. Um, this might look weird in my Saab. Michael's BMW used to have Recaro seats, but they were for smaller butts, and my hubby has a beautiful bubble butt that just couldn't fit.
Anyway, I'm sure Michael will get more into baby stuff when I have a huge belly (well, utuerus, I already have a pudgy belly) and he can feel the baby kicking. By then I'm sure I'll have 50% of our stuff done, but since he planned more of our wedding than me, I can't be upset. Michael is such a good man, I know he is going to be the BEST father. I am so lucky to have him.

Pets, cramps, and rambles

What is with the lower abdomen cramping? My pregnancy app on my iPod says it's my uterus growing, but isn't the baby just the size of a sesame seed? Shoot, I may look 20 weeks (hey, I'm chubby!) but this kid is still forming it's heart. It's teeny!
Is it too early to start thinking about the nursery? I already know I want to paint it a pale yellow/beige and hang this cute ass flag/banner/pennant my mom and I made for my wedding. I'd like to sew a quilt to match, but I pretty much fail at sewing. Maybe my mom will help me out :)

I'm a little worried about the cats and the baby. Baxter HATES babies and children and other small creatures, Zooey is a hording thief who pees on beds, and Charlie is still in his puppy stages where he will lick the heck out of a kid. Aye yi yi. It's gonna work out..I'm sure.
Speaking of crazy pets, wanna see pictures of mine? Too bad; here they are!

This is the crazy Charlie! He just turned one, so he's still a puppy :)

And these two devils are our cats, Baxter (left) and Zooey (right). We used to call them brother and sister until they fell in incestuous love; so now they are an old married couple. Ha.





My awesome older sister is on her way over to hang out and get some presents from our trip, so she's about to find out! I am excited to tell her!!!! <3

*Update*
My sister came by and I told her! She was so happy that she cried!! <3 I love my family. So, Nikki, if you are now reading this, hi! And, welcome to my baby-making blog!

Introductions are in order...

Well, I think a little background info is required. I'm Jessica, and I'm newly married to my best friend and partner of 7 years, Michael. We own a house in Fairfield, CA (smack dab between SF and Sacramento). Michael designs bridges and roads, and is a UC Berkeley grad. I'm a senior at UC Davis, studying Sociology. Below is a picture of us, being sexy and awesome on our honeymoon.

On said honeymoon we got some amazing news; I'm 4 weeks pregnant! Being a senior in college you probably think I am all worried and stressed about being pregnant; on the contrary! I'm 25 (took my sweet ass time in school, thank you very much), and my husband has a kick ass job that will help until I finish grad school w/o a job. So, now that you are all up in my business, how about some pictures to lurk into my life some more.

This is my husband Michael in Maui next to an awesome and old ass bridge on the road to Hana. Pretty cool huh? He's bearded, and smart, and funny, and probably the coolest guy ever. I am so lucky to have that yeti in my life.

Up there? That's me trying to look all nonchalant on the top of a crater in Maui. After this picture was taken, I jumped all around an squealed about the beautiful view. ;-)

Below is what I wrote on the plane about this past week and my pregnancy news. It's a copy and paste, and I was exhausted when I wrote it, so don't expect some gem..shooooot. <3
...........................................................


Baby Notes
9/23/2011

LMP: 08-25-11
Ovulatuion: ~09-07-11
1st test: 9/19 Technically positive. Super faint line; almost thought it was a line meant to be filled in for a  positive test
2nd test: 9/20 Positive. faint line, but definitely there.
3rd test: 9/21 Positive. Used different test and line was less faint.


Energy: LOW; not sure if it's from the wedding (planning, stress, etc), jet lag/traveling, or the adventures we've gone on
in Hawaii.

Notes:
Started trying, and conceived during my first ovulation. Basically Michael and I are super baby-making people, and he has super sperm that found my sexy egg too awesome to resist. I suspected something was up due to my low energy level, my crazy mood swings the week before (rage over lame stuff), and getting really dizzy/sick from flying, driving, and riding on the boat. The day we got our first real positive (2nd test) was the day we went snorkeling in the Molokini Crater. I was super excitd and when I told Michael (he was sleeping), he opened his eyes, smiled, and said "that's great" and then went back to sleep. Ha. That day I got very seasick (baby or genes, who knows) on the boat and while swimming in the ocean (LAME! There were cool turtles swimming two feet from me and I had to get out of the water or risk feeding the turtles a non-natural food source).
My appetite has been flaky and irritating. I am either VERY hungry or full to the brim after a few bites of my meal. Seems like I have to start eating more smalls meals throughout my day. Also, and I don't know if this is food-related, I get the worst stomach aches! It's like a dull cramping in my lower abdomen (i'm guessing it's that pesky uterus); It makes me feel like I have to use the restroom (#2 if you catch my drift). I'm normally not a daily-pooper, but it's becoming an everyday occurance. Maybe it's the island food I've been getting down on.
We told Diann about the pregnancy the day before we told my mom. She asked if I'd been having any alcohol and I sent her a picture of my positive test. When I told her she seemed very happy, and told Mike who said "oh yeah? Good job!". Hahaha.
I called my mother today and she immediately asked if I was. I couldn't lie, and even though I wanted to tell her in person, I spilled the beans. She sounded to excited! I asked to tell my dad over the phone on my own, and he seemed happy. I told him I got something cool in Hawaii and he asked what it was..I said "oh, just a positive pregnancy test!". He laughed and said congrats.
I am so excited to tell my sisters. I think I'm going to have to call or text Ash, as she's on an impromtu trip to Vegas with some guy; however, I am going to try and see Nikki tomorrow and tell her. I hope they are excited for us! My friends, on the other hand, I am debating when to tell them. I am enjoying the privacy. Now I know why Cass keeps her's secret for so long; it's fun to have that crazy news in your pocket, ready to launch it at the drop of a hat! >:)
Right now we are on the plane back home. Our little island fetus will now be a stowaway in CA to my classes at UC Davis. My little aggie <3 Michael says the baby will have UC Berkeley stuff, but as it will attend Davis for 9 months, I say it's an Aggie! Ha!

This is the 3rd test I took to confirm my first one!

The Mama-To-Be, 4 weeks pregnant!