Being A Mama

Being a mother is the best thing that's ever happened to me. I'm thankful every single day that I get to be Michelle's mama.
There will never be a day I will turn away her love, or withhold my understanding and affection.
Until my dying day, I will forever be her mom and that's my life's greatest accomplishment.
Because of her, I try to be the best ME possible. Because of her, I love Michael more- because I see how much he loves her, and that together we made such a cool kid. Because of her, I see the beauty in every day.

I'm not the type of person to pat herself on the back or to brag about herself, but I'm a damn good mother and wife. I'm proud of the life I've built with Michael. I treat people with compassion, I have an open mind, and I'm always open with affection.
I'm deserving of love, warmth, and understanding. Starting now, if I'm not given it, i will give it to myself (wise words from a beautiful, wise woman who listened to me with love and an open heart-thank you!).
And to you reading this, you do the same! You are deserving of love, affection, compassion, and understanding. We all are.

Pics Via Pinterest: here and here

Needed a Smile

I promised myself I would make a blog this week, but with crappy private stuff going on, I couldn't get myself to the computer to write.
Because I needed a smile, I thought I would make this blog post all about things that have made me smile in the past week.

Michelle's cute little way of saying "thank you" has morphed into "ti-ti-wehca" hahaha. It's a combination of thank you and you're welcome. We always say you're welcome when she says thank you, so now she just combines both words. Lol

Yes, this is Michelle riding a big wheel! Haha! Her cousin got it for her birthday and graciously let Michelle ride it (she ended up just going backwards the whole time. Lol).

Aren't those sunglasses a crack-up! She loves sunglasses, so when I found these little kid ones with Mickey Mouse etched on the lenses, I knew I had to get them. Mish is obsessed with Mickey and Minnie Mouse!

 She just melts my heart! So cute! And no, we didn't get a new dog, that's just Michelle's friend puppy.

 Sitting with her bunny friends while walking around downtown Napa. She saw them and immediatly ran over to sit with them. Nothing better than an animal lover :)

 Cool dude!! Mish is finally big enough to play in her little pedal car. Of course she had to wear the sunglasses and bring Minnie along. Road trip!

 This pic makes me smile because it took me forever to talk her into getting dressed, and once she was dressed, she kept pulling her skirt up around her stomach. Haha. We are potty training and she's usually naked.

Playing with her doll friends. I bought some beanie baby dolls from a consignment sale and I've started making them over. I pinned back hair on one (just need to sew it down, at the moment it's clipped), and the other one got her frizzy curls turned into braid/dreads. I've also sewn them a few dresses because the outfits they came with are hideous!

Today I am working on refinishing an old rocking horse that I bought when Michelle was a newborn/or I was pregnant? I can't remember. But I am so excited! I will make a blog post all about it when I finish.

Keep smiling, friends.

Peaceful and Loving Afternoon Photoshoot

Today Michelle decided she wanted to be a model and let me take a bunch of pictures of her. I can't believe she let me keep taking shot after shot while she just smiled and looked on thoughtfully.

I don't know if these pictures even convey her beauty. Sometimes I sit there in awe of how beautiful, intelligent, and curious she is. How could we make something so perfect?
Even with messy hair and a runny nose, this child is just pure wonder.

 Charlie got a little jealous of the attention and jumped in some of the pictures. The lighting in the living room at that moment was just perfect and the two of them were so agreeable!

Such a nice, peaceful afternoon. I love how these pictures aren't forced or posed; they're natural, pure, and show how much we love each other. Look at those beautiful eyes in the nursing picture! Her whole face just says love.
 

TRX

In sticking with my resolution to better myself and have more adventures, I joined my sister for my second Saturday TRX training class. Oh man, these classes are hard, but so much fun. I really like how it is all based on your abilities and using gravity and your body weight as resistance.

The only thing I hate is that afterwards I feel really sick, like my muscles are releasing toxins into my blood. I feel weak and ill. Maybe it's just because I'm super out of shape. Just because I'm smaller than I used to be, doesn't mean I'm fit! And it's definitely evident in my performance in class! Haha. I am so happy I went, and I am so happy my sister Nikki invited me. I can't wait to move home and workout more at gyms. Yreka doesn't really have a set up I can use because I have Mish and we are away from anyone that I would trust to watch her. Michael could, but he works full time and I don't want to head to the gym late at night. So, I will stick to at-home workouts and jogging.

Today we head back up to Y and it's very bittersweet. We are excited to see the cats and get back to our normal routine, but we are going to miss everyone and being in the home we own. We love our house! It's so hard to drive away from its warmth and beauty, to a small rental house that is freezing and just isn't ours. 7 1/2 more months and our lives will involve a lot less travel and a little more home renovations.

A New Year

2013 was such a great year! There were some big ups and downs, but if life has taught me anything, it’s to focus on the positive, and work out the not so great things as best you can. And especially, don’t let others' negativity steal your happiness. Life is too short to spend even ten minutes of your day focusing on any crap you can’t control or change (of course, this is easier said than done, and I'm still working on doing this all the time).

There are many things I want to work on in 2014, but the biggest is to better myself on the inside. Last year Michael and I worked on our bodies, but this year, in addition to continuing that, I want to better my mental space. I want to work on being more patient, mellow, and understanding. I want to be stronger mentally, and less focused on negativity. 

In addition to being a happier, better me, I want our family to do more things together - have fun adventures, go on family outings, spend time together unplugged. I want to spend more time with my husband, do more fun and educational activities with Michelle, and give myself a break when I'm not feeling like the perfect wife, mother, daughter, friend, or person. 

2013 included watching Michelle morph from a sweet chubby little infant, into a crawling, then walking, then running little girl, with big personality and an amazing sense of adventure. We took Michelle on her first plane ride (to Southern California for a fun vacation), then out of the country to Mexico on a family vacation. We celebrated our second wedding anniversary, made-over our backyard into a gorgeous oasis, lost a combined 100 lbs (and counting) and bought a new car! Yes, we were forced to move to Yreka for a year in August, but it made it possible for us to play in the snow with Mish (her first time seeing it), go into beautiful Oregon and explore new places, and be greeted by deer every day. Don't get me wrong, I really can't wait to be done with this whole Bay to Yreka thing and get my life back together (and to makeover the inside of our home when we are back full-time), but I'm not going to dwell on it or waste an opportunity to make it a great year! 

These are just a few things I've been thinking about for a few days, and wanted to share. I really hope 2014 brings a happier, healthier, cleaner, and more organized Jessica. 2013 was wonderful, but I'm ready to make 2014 even better!

40 lbs down, Happy, and Healthy

I am pleased, and a little shocked, to say that I am down 40 lbs since starting to change my diet and lifestyle. These past 4 months have been amazing for my health, self-esteem, and credit card (lol). I keep thinking to myself that I look exactly the same, but then I try on size 8-10 pants and they fit, or I catch sight of some old picture of me that makes me do a double take. I never felt huge before, I just felt chubby. But man, I've come a long way and I feel like I could still lose 10-20 more pounds and look good.

In these past four months I went from being "obese" with a BMI of 31.6 to "overweight", to just barely dipping my toes in the high end of the "healthy weight" range with a BMI of 24.8. I know that there is a lot of controversy with using BMI, especially for women, but seeing "obese" on a chart with my little star next to it was horrifying for me. I've had plenty of doctors tell me I was just overweight and to focus on eating right, but I couldn't get that "obese" label out of my head. I'm officially over worrying about BMI, but it felt good to put it down that I am not "obese" anymore. Lol.

Let me clarify, I don't think people that are obese should freak out and start obsessing about their weight and labels being put on them. I think people in general should think about eating healthy and staying active - regardless of size. Our insides need nutrition, our bodies need exercise. All of us.

This month I am going to start an exercise challenge to get myself into a good routine of staying active and working on my general fitness. I created a little calendar (below) and I've already got a few brave souls ready to try it with me! I got a little ambitious by putting down push-ups (I can barely do ONE!) but I figure I've got to push myself in order to get better. Even if I fail the push-up portion of my challenge, I'll still consider it a win if I stick with it every day.

If anyone wants to do it with me, comment on this blog, or post on my SP or FB profiles! I'd love to have people to keep me accountable :)

Weight Loss Updates

I think my weightloss journey has been the weirdest thing in my life. While I'm elated that I'm losing weight consistently, I'm still eating junk and not exercising. I tell myself everyday that I need to start working out, but I can't motivate myself nor stay determined!

Eating right is easy, well..eating the correct amount of calories is easy. It's eating healthy, good-for-you food that is hard. Ice cream is just too tasty!!

Anyhoo, I'm down to 148.8 lbs. That's 33.3 lbs from when I started Sparkpeople, but 136 lbs from my normal weight resting place of 185. At one point (not counting pregnancy!) I was 191, so any loss is exciting for me :)
However, lately I've been having a hard time not binge eating. Thankfully it's not like it used to be - it's more over-eating than binge eating (HUGE difference) - but it's still got me worried about my mental space with my new lifestyle. I wish I could emulate the mindset that these fitspo blogs have. They revel in their exercise-based lifestyles and their new workouts. They push themselves hard and eat wonderfully. I, on the other hand, am losing weight through basic math (calories in versus calories out) which does nothing for my life, longevity, nor internal bodily functions. It's just helping me lose weight, which is still awesome! I want to be strong, lean, and healthy. Being skinny and flabby and dealing with health problems does not appeal to me. Here's an article I just read on being skinny yet unhealthy: click here.
My dilemma reminds me of an article (<- click there) I read last week. Maybe I shouldn't have blown off the author's thesis, because I fear I'm starting to hold myself to crazy standards. BUT, at the same time, I really do need to step up my game. By the way, I seriously recommend reading that article. :)

Ok, sorry for another rambling blog. Let's see, I lost weight, still losing more, want to eat better and workout, but health is the most important thing! Yay blog summaries!

A Big Move!

As I mentioned in my last post, Michael got a one-year transfer to a job in Yreka, Ca. Yreka is a super small town, that seems as if it was made to let people rest on their way from Oregon to California. There are 2 grocery stores, a Walmart, and a few other known stores. No Starbucks, no Target, no Safeway. There are the typical fast food places (McD, BK, Taco Bell), lots of places to get tires, snow chains, and other necessities before filling up your tank and heading off to your destination. I think Yreka's town motto should be "Yreka: a beautiful pit-stop before going on your way." I mean it, Yreka is surrounded by hills and the gorgeous Mt Shasta. Every morning we are greeted by deer on the lawn, and a cool breeze through the windows.

When I first found out about the transfer, I was devastated. Yreka is 4 hours away from home, and 45 minutes away from the creature comforts we're used to. However, I decided to adopt a positive mindset. I figure, I'm a stay at home mom so I can care for my family, and it's my job to make sure everyone feels happy, safe, and loved. Michael brings home the proverbial bacon, and it's my job to maintain our mental well-being. I think it's helped Michael and Michelle with this big transition. And you know what they say, fake it til you make it (in some cases!).

Our house is quaint and adorable. I am going to be sad to leave a one-story house. Michelle loves the freedom of running from her room to the kitchen and the livingroom without me at her heels I can hear/see her from pretty much any place in the house. We're actually only going to be here for a few months before the Yreka job is down for the winter, then we're most likely off to Redding until the spring, when we come back up here. I feel conflicted about that. On one hand, I'm sad to leave this cute little house we've already set up, but at the same time I'm excited to be closer to home, we're familiar with Redding (we lived there for a year on another job), and we won't have to worry about getting stuck in the snow on the mountain over the holidays. I can handle a 2 1/2 hour drive home almost every weekend; it's the 4 hour drive that makes me want to stay up here as much as possible.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes!

Sleepy, weird rant

Right now I am writing from the baby's future nursery. It's so tiny; I hope everything we want to do in here will fit! The baby's room is currently our office/storage so I am in here printing pages for school. Today was my first day as a senior, and even though I was barely there, it was exhausting. I came home after running errands and crashed on the couch for two hours! I'm not the biggest nap-taker, so it felt weird and draining. My mom said it's normal to be sleepy in the beginning, but I am really pooped!

It was hard to walk around school today and not feel a huge disconnect between my peers and myself. I already feel like the black sheep because I'm 3-4 years older than everyone, but this little secret I'm carrying in my womb makes me feel lightyears away from them. I feel like I have a neon sign above my head that says "Baby on Board!" and all of these kids can read it, and see my womb jiggling about. I know they can't, but it makes me anxious to get out of that school. Maybe when I get bigger and walk around they will think I am a grad student or something. Lol. I wonder if anyone else on campus is pregnant..we should start a club. Ha.

It feels weird calling the baby "it". In my mind I flip back and forth with calling it boy/girl, I never call it "it" in my head, but when I talk about Baby, I can't just say he/she back and forth. I look bipolar and creepy. Maybe I'll just call our little bun in the oven "Awesome", and never use pronouns. Examples: "I felt Awesome kick! Maybe Awesome will be a soccer player. Awesome's new crib came in the mail!" and so on..

Man, I am sleepy! This blog just took a weird turn, and basically said nothing. Ha. Well, it's not my fault; it's Awesome's fault! Awesome is stealing my energy, but because we're family we gotta share. ;-)