I was just thinking about how stressed I've been. I've been crying a lot, and have been in some stupid arguments lately, and I really hope the baby is ok. Can she feel my sadness? Can she feel when I'm happy, stressed, or anxious? For her sake, I hope not. I hope she's just floating in a cozy bed, blowing bubbles, and growing strong. Then again, I can be quite naive.
I am so happy I can bring her into this world. We all grow up in families, but this one is special because I'm making it all on my own. Michael and I are building this family just for us, and I hope my little girl always feels loved, special, and valued in our family. When I think of the baby, I feel happiness, love, and awe...I don't want any of her things (her room, her clothes, her toys) being associated with bad things like crying or yelling. When I do things just for Michelle, I want to be in a good state of mind with love in my heart. I don't want to buy something while I'm grouchy, or decorate her special room with any sadness in my heart. This is her domain, her special place to dream, and play, and be an innocent child. I don't want any bad energy hanging around.
You know, people who fight a lot will always fight a lot. If a person, or group of people, are always sad, stressed, and angry, they will always be that way. There is no changing anyone but yourself. I don't want my kid being around anyone when they are acting that way. I can't control what they do and when they do it, so I need to think long and hard about who I want coming around this bundle of joy. People become mean; they aren't born mean. I don't want any negative influences on Michelle; I want her to stay innocent and happy. But I guess all parents want that for their children.
Friday, December 16, 2011
Sunday, December 11, 2011
It's a GIRL!
Ah! Today we had our 3d/4d ultrasound, and got to see our beautiful little baby dance around. The tech said she was 98% sure the baby is a girl, since she had the "hamburger". Lol. I won't explain since it's a pretty gross metaphor.
We've decided on Michelle Elizabeth Bergman. Misha for short. :) It was so fun to watch, especially with our families right by our side. It was only me and Rachael who thought the baby would be a girl; everyone else was screaming boy! Ha! Don't they know we don't make boys in the Jarvi house? The tech said people that have a lot of sex have girls...I don't know if it's true, but it definitely applies ;-)
While having my ultrasound, the tech, Karen, said she could tell I had to pee (that nothing is secret in ultrasound offices..haha!) and then she said I was having a contraction! We saw it lower down to the baby, and after a bit it went away. She told me I will most likely have Braxton Hicks later on if they are happening now..let's hope not! A picture is below, and a link to a video of the dancing queen is here: Baby Michelle Dancing
It is definitely a week to be a girl! Mackenzie Marie was born on the sixth, and she is probably the cutest newborn I've ever seen! Cassie had an amazing, natural, peaceful laboring process and had no complications. It was so amazing to hold Macey after Cass had her. She stopped crying when I held her, and looked into my face for a while. It was very overwhelming and once I dropped off Cassie's doula/friend Heather, I cried the rest of the way home. It made me happy for the K family, but scared for myself. I mean, not to give birth, but to have a baby. It's hard to explain, but I guess I keep thinking of the baby as a little bean, when really it's going to come out of me and interact with people within minutes. It's not a toy, it's not a pet, it's a real life human. It's a very humbling thing to see a baby so new. I am thankful I could be there for 80% of the process. I am very honored to be a part of the group invited along. <3
Well, I'm off to cuddle on the couch and mentally prepare myself for the shopping spree I'm about to embark upon. <3
We've decided on Michelle Elizabeth Bergman. Misha for short. :) It was so fun to watch, especially with our families right by our side. It was only me and Rachael who thought the baby would be a girl; everyone else was screaming boy! Ha! Don't they know we don't make boys in the Jarvi house? The tech said people that have a lot of sex have girls...I don't know if it's true, but it definitely applies ;-)
While having my ultrasound, the tech, Karen, said she could tell I had to pee (that nothing is secret in ultrasound offices..haha!) and then she said I was having a contraction! We saw it lower down to the baby, and after a bit it went away. She told me I will most likely have Braxton Hicks later on if they are happening now..let's hope not! A picture is below, and a link to a video of the dancing queen is here: Baby Michelle Dancing
It is definitely a week to be a girl! Mackenzie Marie was born on the sixth, and she is probably the cutest newborn I've ever seen! Cassie had an amazing, natural, peaceful laboring process and had no complications. It was so amazing to hold Macey after Cass had her. She stopped crying when I held her, and looked into my face for a while. It was very overwhelming and once I dropped off Cassie's doula/friend Heather, I cried the rest of the way home. It made me happy for the K family, but scared for myself. I mean, not to give birth, but to have a baby. It's hard to explain, but I guess I keep thinking of the baby as a little bean, when really it's going to come out of me and interact with people within minutes. It's not a toy, it's not a pet, it's a real life human. It's a very humbling thing to see a baby so new. I am thankful I could be there for 80% of the process. I am very honored to be a part of the group invited along. <3
Well, I'm off to cuddle on the couch and mentally prepare myself for the shopping spree I'm about to embark upon. <3
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Awh!
Very short, very quick update before I run some errands. Cass had the baby (A GIRL!!!) on the 6th. She is perfect, and lovely, and I want to take her home and never return her. I'll update on the inspiration it's brought me in a bit..just wanted to jot this down so I would remember exactly what I wanted to blog about. <3
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Ah-may-ZING!
I wasn't going to blog until after finals, but something awesome happened last night and I have to share! So, I was fighting with Michael about something I can't even remember (hey! I'm hormonal and crazy! I can argue with my hubby and then forget why I was mad!). Anyways, I went into my room to relax and cool off because since I've gotten pregnant I like to throw things at people and act like a caveman. I plopped down and pulled out my trusty, beloved, beautiful iPod and set my playlist to randomly play any and all Rilo Kiley songs (if you don't know about Rilo Kiley, after all these years, shut down this blog imminently and run to your nearest Rasputin!). The Frug, an old classic, came on, so I set it on my belly (which was exposed cos I wanted to look how big it's gotten) and started calming down. Well, while I was calming down, someone else was getting riled up! I know it's too early, and I know people say it's impossible to distinguish from gas, but I swear to you, the baby fluttered! I felt a little flutter deep in my right, lower stomach, like the baby was walking up the wall like it did during my ultrasound. It was so crazy; I knew immediately what it was. I screamed for Michael to come, and he busted in that room so freaking fast. He was worried, I mean, I screamed, but once I told him, he got a huge smile on his face and we cuddled, discussing the craziness of our bean.
I know what I felt. It was a full on flutter, different than anything I've felt before. I'm not crazy, and I didn't get my hopes up...I know I won't feel it again for a few weeks. But, it was so awesome. I mean, my kid responded to Rilo Kiley. Clue number one that this kid is fucking awesome. Clue number two is that it does yoga. And clue number three is that it is half me, half Michael, so it has to be awesome.
Ok, well I have 4 hours to start and complete a three page essay and bibliograpgy on crap I haven't read on, so I better jet. SUNDAY is our 3D ultrasound, so you'll hear from me soon. Quick side note, I have a feeling we won't get a definitive on the sex just yet. I have a feeling we'll find out in January. <3
-Jess
I know what I felt. It was a full on flutter, different than anything I've felt before. I'm not crazy, and I didn't get my hopes up...I know I won't feel it again for a few weeks. But, it was so awesome. I mean, my kid responded to Rilo Kiley. Clue number one that this kid is fucking awesome. Clue number two is that it does yoga. And clue number three is that it is half me, half Michael, so it has to be awesome.
Ok, well I have 4 hours to start and complete a three page essay and bibliograpgy on crap I haven't read on, so I better jet. SUNDAY is our 3D ultrasound, so you'll hear from me soon. Quick side note, I have a feeling we won't get a definitive on the sex just yet. I have a feeling we'll find out in January. <3
-Jess
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Long Awaited Update
FAIL. I fail at keeping up a blog during school. Thankfully I have until Tuesday, and then this miserable quarter will be OVER! I don't know what it is about being in a time-crunch that gives me the desire to update this blog, but here we are. I'm writing 1 of the 4 essays I have due this week. This one, is due Monday right before I take a HARD final. Then I have two due Tuesday, and my last one due Wednesday. Lame.
So, exciting things have happened in the last two weeks, but I've been too much of a lazy bum to write about them. Let's just go back to Monday, Nov 21. So, we went in for our prenatal checkup with my awesome doctor. We were expecting her to weigh me, measure me, and maybe catch a bit of the baby's heartbeat. We sat down, and she went on and on about how happy she was that I didn't gain weight in my 1st trimester, and that I had actually lost some (without being sick, yay me!). Then she pulls in the machine that we think will let us hear Bean's heartbeat. We were so wrong; we got an ultrasound! The baby, obvious overjoyed that we were checking out its cute booty, started kicking and waving and dancing all over my womb. It was such a surprise that I just sat there in shock, tears rolling down my cheeks. I couldn't believe my bean wasn't a bean anymore, but a baby! Doctor told us that her machine sucked, and the next Monday we would see a much better picture of the baby during our genetic screening. Personally, that machine could have been an inch big and it wouldn't have made a difference; I was seeing my real BABY dancing about. It was so awesome. Below is the best pic of the bunch that she printed out. Notice how awesome and adorable my Bean is <3
Now, this is a picture we took with our phone of the print out, so it is pretty blurry; however, the baby's head is on the right. Michael's family couldn't find the baby in the pic, so hopefully you have better luck.
After that awesome visit, we had another one on the 28th. This one was with a tech who measured the baby and had to look @ bones and such, so the ultrasound actually squicked me out. My beautiful Bean looked like skeletor when she got all up in his/her business. But, once she just looked @ the baby from a regular setting we got quite the show! The baby sat in the lotus pose (yoga move..basically criss-cross apple sauce), then kicked, jumped, and stuck its cute little tongue out! Then it proceeded to put its fist in its mouth, and then use its little legs to walk up the wall of my uterus. Great, my kid is already climbing the walls! Haha. It wasn't like a rock climber, just like it walked its feet up and was in an L shape. Unfortunately we didn't find out the sex, but we have an appointment in a week and a day to have our 3D ultrasound. Those really creep me out, but I'm still thrilled regardless. Oh, and we haven't scanned the pic of Bean putting his/her tongue out yet, but I'll post it asap.
So, as for me, the cranky mama, I am feeling pretty good health-wise, but crappy emotionally. It's exciting that I'm finally starting to show (but you can only tell if you see me a lot). I've lost weight in my face, arms, and upper sides, but my pants don't fit and I have a little pooch. Lol. I like to stick it out and rub it when I walk in public so people don't think I'm just a fatso. So emotionally... I've been super stressed with school, and super down. Hopefully now that school is a few days from being over I'll be able to relax and cheer up. I just need a day with my hubby with no worry that I have an assignment due or that I'm behind on a reading. Gah! UC Davis, I think our good relationship is coming to an end....feel free to kiss my big white booty.
So, exciting things have happened in the last two weeks, but I've been too much of a lazy bum to write about them. Let's just go back to Monday, Nov 21. So, we went in for our prenatal checkup with my awesome doctor. We were expecting her to weigh me, measure me, and maybe catch a bit of the baby's heartbeat. We sat down, and she went on and on about how happy she was that I didn't gain weight in my 1st trimester, and that I had actually lost some (without being sick, yay me!). Then she pulls in the machine that we think will let us hear Bean's heartbeat. We were so wrong; we got an ultrasound! The baby, obvious overjoyed that we were checking out its cute booty, started kicking and waving and dancing all over my womb. It was such a surprise that I just sat there in shock, tears rolling down my cheeks. I couldn't believe my bean wasn't a bean anymore, but a baby! Doctor told us that her machine sucked, and the next Monday we would see a much better picture of the baby during our genetic screening. Personally, that machine could have been an inch big and it wouldn't have made a difference; I was seeing my real BABY dancing about. It was so awesome. Below is the best pic of the bunch that she printed out. Notice how awesome and adorable my Bean is <3
After that awesome visit, we had another one on the 28th. This one was with a tech who measured the baby and had to look @ bones and such, so the ultrasound actually squicked me out. My beautiful Bean looked like skeletor when she got all up in his/her business. But, once she just looked @ the baby from a regular setting we got quite the show! The baby sat in the lotus pose (yoga move..basically criss-cross apple sauce), then kicked, jumped, and stuck its cute little tongue out! Then it proceeded to put its fist in its mouth, and then use its little legs to walk up the wall of my uterus. Great, my kid is already climbing the walls! Haha. It wasn't like a rock climber, just like it walked its feet up and was in an L shape. Unfortunately we didn't find out the sex, but we have an appointment in a week and a day to have our 3D ultrasound. Those really creep me out, but I'm still thrilled regardless. Oh, and we haven't scanned the pic of Bean putting his/her tongue out yet, but I'll post it asap.
So, as for me, the cranky mama, I am feeling pretty good health-wise, but crappy emotionally. It's exciting that I'm finally starting to show (but you can only tell if you see me a lot). I've lost weight in my face, arms, and upper sides, but my pants don't fit and I have a little pooch. Lol. I like to stick it out and rub it when I walk in public so people don't think I'm just a fatso. So emotionally... I've been super stressed with school, and super down. Hopefully now that school is a few days from being over I'll be able to relax and cheer up. I just need a day with my hubby with no worry that I have an assignment due or that I'm behind on a reading. Gah! UC Davis, I think our good relationship is coming to an end....feel free to kiss my big white booty.
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