Last Day of Life w/o Baby

Yesterday I ended up making an appointment with another doctor so I could get some answers. It ended up being with the chief of medicine for women's health in the Solano-Napa area. She checked me out (still 2 cm dilated and same effacement), and said that despite my BP being a little bit lower than normal, we still have to induce on Thursday. She told me that I won't need that catheter-bulb to open my cervix because it's already opening on its own. She said we'll probably start with pitocin (ew!), but I might be able to just have them break my water bag to see if my labor starts naturally. I really hope Labor and Delivery will let me have a say. Michael and I are really bummed that they're pushing this so hard (and it gets frustrating when friends/family tell us how bad it is and that we should fight it, because we already know it), and it's confusing because they said I shouldn't go past 40 weeks, but a due date is a GUESS; it's an estimate. What's even more weird is that Michelle measured small in the beginning, so who knows if she is really due May 31. What if she is really due on the 4th? I think that every day she's in my womb is another day for her to develop to her full potential. Better lungs, better brain development...I dunno.

So today I'm going to do as much homework as I can, clean the house (bedding, sweeping, put away junk), and go grocery shopping. Tomorrow we're supposed to call L&D whenever we wake up (7 at the earliest) and head over whenever they say. It might be right away, and if they're busy it might be later in the day. Then we'll head over and la-de-da. I feel ridiculous, but I'm going to shower, straighten my hair, and put on makeup (waterproof, of course). Lol. Then we're bringing the iPad, DVDs, and speakers so we can stay entertained during the wait. I really hope my body kicks in and does its thang because more medical interventions are going to suck ass. 

Well, if I'm going to get anything done I better get off here and get to work. My next blog might be about my labor! Eep!

Keep your fingers crossed for us! We're hoping our little lady is healthy, the labor goes well, and we get out of there safe and sound <3

Update

I think with everything going on, I keep forgetting to stay positive. At the end of all of this drama, I get a beautiful little baby. That being said, here's an update.

Today I was supposed to meet with my Doc to discuss the induction, monitor my BP, and check my cervix. Well, she called in sick, so I'm seeing another Doc just to check my BP and cervix. I'm a little stressed about Thursday now. I don't know what to expect; will I be induced? If so, when? Where do I go? What time?
I have to remind myself to breatheeeeee because stressing will just raise my BP.

I feel bad about my venting blog from the other day. My mom really is supportive and helpful; I just needed to get everything off my chest.

So, Michelle has been extra active today and yesterday evening, but it feels REALLY different. I think she might be facing outside instead of facing my rear. I think I can feel her knees and feet kicking my belly. I hope she's not sunnyside-up, because that will cause hardcore back pain during labor. Also, I was so sure I was going to go into labor last night. I was having killer contractions last night, but they cooled down once I got into bed and rested. Ah! I just wish she'd come on her own; I don't want to induce. :(

Headache

On Friday my doctor told me that if I don't have the baby before my due date that we're inducing labor on Thursday. Thursday is my due date, so that's cool...? No.
She's also trying to push me to have an epidural because pain causes BP to rise and she said I will be in too much pain to handle it. No. None of these things are okay. This is the worst thing that we imagined happening for the birth of our daughter. I wanted a un-medicated, naturally occurring birth. My doctor is being overly cautious because my BP is borderline high. It's not in a danger zone. It's just on the cusp between normal/high. I'm happy she is thinking in a preventative way, but I don't want it to be at the expense of my wishes. People just won't HEAR what I am saying. My wishes don't seem to matter.

To make matters much shittier, my mom is mad at me because I'm tired of people getting on my ass about having Michelle. Babies come when they come. But apparently I'm being lazy by not doing anything to speed up the process. There is NOTHING I can do to make my cervix dilate. Nothing. Sex will help ripen my cervix, but it won't open it. Walking will give me contractions, but if I sit down and they go away, then it's NOT labor, it's Braxton Hicks. My mom got pissed because I said there is nothing I can do, and she basically told me it will be my own fault if I'm stuck with induction and strapped to a bed. Nice. Now she is ignoring me because I said that was horrible and told her how I feel. My mom doesn't like to hear how I feel. She likes to say how SHE feels, then blocks everything out because she said her piece and that's all that matters to her. I don't think it's fair to do this to me days before my kid is due. This time is about me and Michael and our kid. I don't think I'll ever forget this. Ever. What should I do if I go into labor now? Call her up and have her be "blah" about it? Have people come in the room and watch me birth like a fucking zoo animal? What help is she going to be? She won't even text me back, so what's the point?

Sorry I'm not 16 and having a kid, so people can boss me around. I'm 25, very well educated, and informed about this step in my life. I don't need help. I don't need guidance. When I need those things, I am mature enough to ask for them. However, I'm apparently useless.

All I did yesterday was cry. And today is already starting off horribly. I don't want to bring my kid into the world while I'm feeling sad and upset. It's fucked up that I can't enjoy this.

Woooo!

Man oh man. The cervix is a very sensitive thing when you are not ready to deliver. Doc decided to check me again, to see if I'd made progress. I did, but it was minimal, so she decided to strip my membranes. Um, ouch! Haha. At least Michelle is still healthy and happy in her warm little water bed. I'm feeling great, except for the contractions that I get in my sleep, but who the heck could complain about that? It's more odd than bothersome. I just wonder why they come at night.

I have ANOTHER appointment on Friday, gonna get checked and possibly stripped again. My poor popo. She needs a break. Although, that break will only come after the baby is born, so I'm gonna have to deal with a little more pain. Lol.

On my last appointment Michael and I also got our vaccinations up to date. Ah! I hate needles. Is it true that I have to keep a needle in my arm the whole time I deliver the baby? :-/ Not my cup o' tea.

Popo stuff, butt stuff, and whatevs

Man oh man.
So, after Wednesday I was pretty shaken up. We had a follow up appointment on Friday with the doctor to make sure my BP was going down. It didn't really change. So my doc decided to do a cervix check to see how close I was to delivery - in case I was ready enough to induce labor.
Ok. Why hasn't anyone warned me about this horrid torture?! After my body was ripped and torn apart by one touch, we found out I was 1-2 cm and 40% effaced. Doc said to expect Misha sometime this week, and since yesterday I've been losing my mucus plug/bloody show. I've also been having really low cramps, and the pain is coming from the same area that hurt when I got my cervix checked. I have an appointment tomorrow afternoon, so we'll see if I'm dilating. I really hope I am! My due date is the Thursday after this next one, so it's not too early.

Michael has been the BEST. He is so supportive of me, and has been an advocate when I feel like I can't speak up. Michael. He is fucking the best. He has been taking care of me like crazy. I can't imagine going through this without him. He's just awesome. We joked and laughed through our Baby Care class, he gets up close and personal with my hoohah and my booty ( I was worried I found a bump and that it was a hemroid..it wasn't. Haha. It didn't hurt or anything, just me bending weird when I was showering my ass and the skin bunched weird. Michael thought I was cute...I thought I was being disgusting. Haha), and he puts up with my CRAZY hormone fluctuations. One second I'm crying, the next I'm screaming, then I'm horny and need sex asap. Michael, he just goes with the flow. Awesome guy. <3

Ok, hopefully I'll have another blog tomorrow, or a baby..who knows!

Venting blog, if you're offended then don't read it.

This is going to be a grouchy post. So feel free to bail on this one.

Yesterday I had my 38 week appointment and it didn't go very well. Apparently my blood pressure was through the roof and the doctor started freaking out about preeclampsia and saying that I had to go to labor and delivery to get checked out. She was really sure that I would have to be induced. I was freaking out. It was especially scary because we didn't have anything - our hospital bag is in my car (we took Michael's to the appointment), and we haven't turned in our birth plan.
After going to L&D I was hooked up to a cuff and told to stay in bed for an hour while my blood work got examined and my blood pressure was taken every 15 minutes. It went down very quickly, and my blood work was great. Doctor thinks I am too stressed and that I am pushing myself too hard with school and life. She kinda doesn't want me to return to school, but my follow up appointment is on Friday, so I'm going to class for sure on Thursday.

"How are you feeling, Jess?"
"How's life/school/the pregnancy?"
"Do YOU want to vent for once instead of listening to my problems?"

No, I don't hear any of that. It's going to be frustrating when I hear "How's the baby?" "Can we come by and see her?" "Wanna hang out?". Really? You want to hang out now that I have a cute baby? No. I don't want to visit. No, you won't get an update. I'll be too busy spending time with MY kid to update you. Come to think of it, I'm thinking of not updating a LOT of people about my labor and the baby. Maybe I'll ask my sister to make the twitter account an invite-only one, if some people think it's dumb. Maybe I'll tell the nurses not to announce any info unless the room is cleared and that phones are banned in my delivery room so that NO ONE gets updated from anyone. yeah, maybe I'll do that.

Ugh, I felt rude just typing that. It was rude. I just need to vent. And since I only have this blog as a 100% venting tool, this is where it is.
Blah.

Baby baby baby, labor, and moneyz

Baby baby baby! My mind is constantly on labor-watch. Is it time yet? Was that a Braxton Hicks contraction or a labor contraction? I need to finish packing my bag, but we've already installed the car seat :)
Only three more weeks and the baby is starting to drop. My ribs are feeling so much better. For the past week I've literally been crying because the pain was so bad. One rib kept popping out of place and I'd turn or stretch a certain way and it would pop back into place. Worst pain ever. Thankfully the pressure is going away. I just hope it stays gone.
I have one big paper to write, then another smaller paper due and I am done with the stress of school. My last day will be Monday the 21st, which is awesome. I just hope Michelle will wait until then!

On Wednesday Michael and I went to Folsom to pick up our new car! I am so happy that he finally has a comfortable car that is not only reliable, but luxurious and perfect for him :) Michael is so hardworking, and he is smart with money, so he deserves this. <3 It's nice that we can sell his BMW and have a savings account for when the baby comes. Having a big savings is his (and my) top priority from here on out - well other than taking care of Michelle. Lol.
We have so many plans. I'll be staying at home for a year, we have the car payments, and we want to go to Monterrey for our first anniversary in September. Having a savings is really important for taking care of our immediate family. The three of us are a team - we are our main focus from here on out. It's so weird to say that, but it's true. When people have kids, things change. This is our immediate family now. Weird!

Ok, well I guessssss I could start working on the small paper due Friday. Hmm, how about no.

Lips and Legs

My daughter is apparently a model. We had an ultrasound yesterday to check if she was head down (which she is; yay!) and my doctor decided to check her size. At first, she was just measuring her head and stomach, but then when she went to measure her legs, the doc literally said "whoa!". Apparently, she has some of the longest legs the doc has seen. Haha. :) She gets that from my dad's side of the family. Because she is gonna be so long, we couldn't get an accurate reading of her weight (her long legs threw off the calculations I guess). The doc gave us a number (6 lbs 14 oz) but said it was WAY over. Haha. I was expecting her to be 7 at birth, so now I have no guess. Will she be smaller? Bigger?

Also, we got another clear shot of her lips! The are so big and beautiful! Doc even made note of them, saying "with those legs and those lips, you guys better be careful!" Haha.

I can't wait to meet my little lady. I just want to hold her and kiss that little face all over!

Below is a picture of her big lips :) It's a shot looking up at her face from down below. Look for the nostrils, then you'll see her lips (they look like she's wearing lipstick). <3 AND, there is a pic with doodles to point it out.
<3

Update, woooo!

I'm HUGE! This pic is from 34 weeks, and I'm 36 weeks this week! :)

For the past month Michael and I have been going to baby classes. We went to a breastfeeding class, a hospital tour/ labor prep class, and a childbirth preparation class. The childbirth prep class went on for the whole month, and it was awesome. I wish we would have signed up for another class, but with how busy I am with school, it's probably best that we didn't. Although, I'm a little worried about concrete methods of focus. I really should read a hypobirthing book.

Also, this month I had my baby shower! It was so exciting to show people my bump, which I thought was huge, but got tons of comments about how small I am. I think I've gotten a lot bigger since then though. We got so much stuff at the shower. People are so freaking generous. Michelle is going to have the cutest clothes on the block! I couldn't believe how many diapers we got, and how we've pretty much gotten everything we need for the baby's arrival.

So, I'm a little grouchy with my doctor. She cancelled my appointment because she was sick (not why I'm irritated), but then didn't reschedule me for two weeks later. I haven't been to see her in over 6 weeks! I'm at the end of my pregnancy, so I'd really like to make sure everything is smoooooth sailing. Is my baby face down? Is my blood pressure ok (I'm awfully swollen these days)? Did I gain too much weight? Oh shit! I forgot to mention, I gained like a million pounds! It's making me worried. I was hoping to reach this current weight when I was about to give birth. Ugh. I guess pregnancy is an event that I can't control.

SCHOOL is stressing me the hell out. I have so much stuff to work on; it's almost laughable how much work I have this quarter. This is supposed to be my easy quarter. Ha. Life has a funny way of working out. I told my teachers that I am leaving school on the 21st and 22nd, so I only have three more weeks! Ah! Three weeks and I am FREE from Davis! It feels awesome.